Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Gospel of Bob

The Gospel of Bob

A little satire inspired by The Da Vinci Code and the Gospel of Judas...:^)

Washington DC (CNN)

Lost for centuries and bound for controversy, the so-called “Gospel of Bob” was unveiled Wednesday by scholars at the National Geographic Society.

With a plot twist worthy of The Da Vinci Code and a hint of controversy reminiscent of the recently discovered Gospel of Judas, the gospel — 13 papyrus sheets bound in leather and found in a cave in Egypt — purports to relate Jesus' life from the viewpoint of Bob, the previously unknown additional apostle who Jesus allegedly chose as an alternate.

Traditional Christians teach that Jesus had only 12 original apostles.

“We're confident this is genuine ancient Christian literature," said religious scholar Kurt Koine of the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill. He and others on the translation team spoke at a National Geographic Society briefing, where they released a translation.

The manuscript claims that Jesus chose Bob as the 13th alternate apostle “in case somebody got sick or couldn’t make the meetings,” said Coptic studies scholar Ernst Grubelsticker of Germany's University of Munster, one of the restoration team members.

According to the fragmented parchments, Bob participated fully in the events of Jesus’ ministry that took place in Nazareth. “But he didn’t go on road trips due to a lack of apostolic general discretionary funds,” said Phil Williams, New Testament scholar at Fuller Seminary.

Dr. Williams argues that the absence of the Sermon on the Mount or any details from Jesus’ ministry and crucifixion in Jerusalem lend credibility to the authenticity of The Gospel of Bob. “As an alternate who didn't travel with Jesus and the other apostles, Bob had no first hand experience with the most critical moments of Jesus’ life and ministry.”

Most of the text of The Gospel of Bob concentrates on down time Jesus spent with Bob at his mom's house.

While containing many familiar teachings and parables of Jesus found in other gospel accounts, The Gospel of Bob also contains some previously unknown and potentially controversial sayings. In one of the more unusual passages, Jesus commands his followers to "Buy low and sell high."

The conspicuous absence of the other apostles in the narrative leads some scholars to speculate of a possible "falling out" between Bob and the more well-known apostles.

Other experts believe The Gospel of Bob may have been written after the four traditional gospel accounts had become widely known. "The Apostle Bob doesn't appear in any of the cannonical gospels, so The Gospel of Bob may be an attempt to give the overlooked alternate apostle his rightful 'day in the sun,' so to speak," said Lance Kerygma, Professor of Religious Studies at Cal Tech.

Some theologians, biblical scholars and pastors say this contrary text is not truly "good news" (the meaning of "gospel") and will make no difference to believers as Easter approaches. The Bible, they say, is a closed book, nearly universally accepted as the official church teachings since the fourth century.

"Just because you got some old parchments interpreted by leftist egg heads doesn’t make it true," said Pastor Billie Ray Sooey of the First Assembly of God in North Little Rock, Arkansas. “These are the same people who said we made a mistake goin' into Iraq. Jesus gonna jump on 'em in judgment like a chicken on a June bug."


Blogger 3wishes said...

I had read recently where Bobbie Rod Sooey from Ft.Smith and Heysus Domingo from Ft.Worth were having a parchment/American flag burning, something about strength in numbers.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Wordcat said...

Heysus? You're still worked up about this immigration thing, eh? :^)

2:23 PM  
Anonymous John Teter said...

Very funny. Poor Bob never got to chill at the big events. He always was probably discouraged when he didn't get picked in Acts 1. At least Bob's mother met the Lord.

6:01 PM  
Blogger 3wishes said...

No no no, not at all. That was just me celebrating diversity week at our hospital. I think Bobbie Rod and Heysus should hang out together more. Their followers like to have "gatherings" so they at least have a commonality. I think most have a need to burn/blow up something. BTW, we had 500,000 of them in a circle here in Dallas, now I ask you, where were the cargo planes when we needed em? eh?(smile, not serious here)

12:26 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home