Tuesday, November 14, 2006


Dead Men Tell No Tales

Washington (AP)

At a State Department press conference Monday morning, Secretary of State Condaleeza Rice responded publicly for the first time to last week’s resounding Democratic election victory.

“We want the American people to know that this administration hears you loud and clear.”

“I have the President’s authorization to announce today the end of our previous commitment to ‘Cowboy Diplomacy.’”

“From now on all of us--Republican and Democrat alike--can take pride in our new emphasis on ‘Pirate Diplomacy.’”

“We will replace what many have characterized as a ‘shoot from the hip’ style with a more measured and prudent approach. That means a new foreign policy based on fewer crude insults combined with our more traditional threats of reckless violence,” said Secretary Rice.

“We recognize that our previous slogan ‘Stay The Course’ no longer addresses the delicate demands of the present political moment. Therefore, we will replace 'Stay The Course' with the more intuitively effective phrase, 'Aaaaargggghh!!! Aaaaaaarrggghhh!!!'"

When asked whether the dismissal of ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was intended primarily to dodge potentially embarrassing questions about the war in Iraq at the hands of hostile Democratic congressmen, Rice smiled before anwering.

"Dead men tell no tales," explained the Secretary of State.


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