Privatization

"Efficiency and Value After Death"

The Afterlife (AP)

Nobel Prize winning economist Milton Friedman challenged the ‘communalist’ and ‘irrational’ process of salvation in his first press conference from The Afterlife.

Many observers believe Professor Friedman was the most influential economist of the last 50 years. He was a great champion of individual freedom and free markets and his thinking helped inspire the rapid expanse of economic globalization.

Friedman described his transition from this world to the next.

“It was pretty much what you'd expect.”

“I hovered above my own dying, economically unproductive carcass for a while in the upper right hand corner of the hospital room and then gathered myself for the heroic push towards upward spiritual mobility.”

“After that I moved into an inefficient, poorly designed spiritual tunnel most likely built by pork barrel political funding and socialistic unions.”

“In spite of unneccesary delays and the siren song of sloth and irresponsibility I pulled myself up by my bootstraps toward the bright white light at the end of the tunnel."

“Following all that morally productive effort I found myself in a large entrance hall of heaven that looked depressingly like the Department of Motor Vehicles."

“I was forced to take a number, sit down on a worn out couch, and read a tattered, two year old copy of Readers Digest while I waited hours for my turn.”

“Eventually I got an interview with an insolent guy on the public dime who should have been working the counter at Burger King. He was using a ten year old computer, for Christ's sake. Hard to make yourself understood in that kind of situation. I eventually got to talk to a supervisor who got me through into the heavenly places. Thank God.”

"I'll be speaking to the authorities here about the whole thing. I think it's time we privatized the transition into the Great Beyond," said the noted economist.